Someday in the very far away future, when I have kids (start feeling sorry for them now) they are going to be fed full of the goofiest myths and tall tales. Some of them might have some greater purpose or teach them some important lesson, but others - let's not kid ourselves - will be for my own entertainment.
In the meantime, I'm taking some time to look back on some of the funniest things my parents and teachers convinced me of. Unfortunately some were so convincing that they have stuck with me for 20+ years.
- When you catch on fire, STOP, DROP, and ROLL is the most obvious solution. Since it's so easy to catch on fire and all. Especially when preventative advice was less fun to practice.
- Thanks Looney Tunes, but driving has taught me that roads do not all magically end in the Grand Canyon.
- No falling anvils from the sky, either.
- Quickstand? Like seriously, never seen it.
- Step on the crack and you'll break your mother's back. Thank goodness, she's still going strong.
- In my day, we had to walk ten miles to school. In the snow. Uphill both ways. Sorry Dad, this one was proven scientifically impossible.
- Talking animals... Still dreaming about the day that I can get an animal to listen to me without giving it a treat.
- Santa Claus. (I still believe. I like presents.)
- You don't change your sweater every time you go inside/outside. Sorry, Mr. Rogers.
- How many licks does it take to eat a Tootsie Pop? It's life's greatest unsolved mystery.
- Monsters Under the Bed? Yep, they are still there in adulthood.
- No one actually wears the same clothes every day so you know who they are. Life would be so much easier if this were socially acceptable. Looking at you, Doug Funny.
- Only YOU can prevent Forest Fires. -- Smokey the Bear. (No pressure.)
- Circle, Circle, Dot, Dot, Now you have a Cootie Shot! But seriously people, vaccinate your kids.
- All your problems will be solved when you grow up. Dream on.
